A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?