A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.