This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.