This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.