This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

My son gave me a nice bottle of cologne - Eau de Owe.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"