I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

I don't worry too much about sex education in the schools. If the kids learn it like they do everything else, they won't know how.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.