I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.