I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!