I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?