If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?