My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.