All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.