All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!