I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.