My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

Do you realise that Eve was the only woman who ever took a man's side?

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.