I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce.