My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.