My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.