My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.