You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.