She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"