My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry.
I don't date women my age. There aren't any.
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.