My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.