Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.