One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.