One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"