Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"