My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.