My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.