My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.