My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.