My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.