A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.