Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.