Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.