Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.