Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.