At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!