At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

My brother applied for work, but was told by the company that it had more employees than it needed. My brother said, "Don't worry. The little bit of work I do won't be noticed !!!"

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.