At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

Just remember, golf is flog spelled backwards.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!