I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.