I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.