I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

You look like a normal person, if you can find a normal person who wants to look like that.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.