I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.