It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.