My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.