My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?

I bought my kid an educational toy to help him make it through life. No matter how you put it together, it's wrong.

You're aging when your actions creak louder than your words.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.