My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.