I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.
Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.
We inherit a lot from our parents: mom's eyes, dad's chin, and the attitude of whichever parent isn't punishing you at the moment. All of those things we have our mom's to thank for."If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.