Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.
The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I don't date women my age. There aren't any.
Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?