A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.