A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.