It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

At Christmas you can get real bargains. I saw one item marked down ten dollars. It was a yacht.

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.