It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.