My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

Jews don't drink much because it interferes with their suffering.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.