My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.