If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.
She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.
My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list