Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.
I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.