Our tree was so puny we used orthopedic bulbs.
I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?
I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.
Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.