My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.