Radio... that wonderful invention by which I can reach millions of people... who fortunately can't reach me.
He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.
An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.