Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.