Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

At eighty-two, I feel like a twenty-year-old, but, unfortunately, there's never one around.

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.