Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

There are a lot of things money can't buy. Not one of them is on my son's list.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.