She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.