She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.