Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
She wanted an Italian sports car - with the sport still in it.
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.
This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.