I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

In the suburbs it's hard to buy your Christmas gifts early in the year. You never know who your friends will be in December.

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.