I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.