The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.

A young man fills out an application for a job and does well until he gets to the last question, "Who Should we notify in case of an accident?" He mulls it over and then writes, "Anybody in sight!"

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."