The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy.

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

They've got plastic Christmas trees now. They're hard to tell from the real aluminum ones.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door, but only as long as it's not visible from the street.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.