I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.
My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list
Laughter is the best medicine in the world.
I don't date women my age. There aren't any.