Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.

I was in a department store and I saw a weird-looking gadget. I asked the young saleslady what it was. She answered, "It doesn't do anything. It's just a Christmas gift."

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.