Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

Our local department store had two Santas - one for regular kids and one for kids who wanted ten toys or less.