Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

I don't date women my age. There aren't any.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

For every studen with a spark of brilliance, there are about ten with ignition trouble.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn't stop until you get to school.

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.