What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands