I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

I bought my son an indestructible toy. Yesterday he left it in the driveway. It broke my car.

I bought my mother-in-law a beautiful chair for Christmas, but she won't let me plug it in.

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.