One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.

It was a tough school. The kids on the debating team took steroids!

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

In Washington, a man gets up to speak and doesn't say a thing, and the other men disagree with him for three hours.