One teacher recently retired with a half-million dollars after 30 years of working hard, caring, dedicating herself and totally immensing herself in the problems of the students. That gave her $50. The rest of the money came from the death of a rich uncle.

My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

For Christmas the just came out with a battery-operated battery. But the batteries aren't included.

War toys are scary. They have a rocket launcher with a bayonet attached, in case you miss.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.