Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse.

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

My son asked for very little - a kickstand, with a motorcycle attached.

An adult western is where the hero still kisses his horse at the end, only now he worries about it.