Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

Some kids want to know why the teachers get paid when it's the kids who have to do all the work.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.