Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

I have a brother who is afraid to go to sleep, he dreams he's working.

I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.

If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.