The last time I saw Marilyn was in late 1959, when I appeared in Let's Make Love at Fox. The wide-eyed Marilyn I had first known was gone. This Marilyn was more beautiful than ever.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!