A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

What an orchestra! They just sit there, but their minds are thousands of miles away with their bookies.