A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

Laughter is an instant vacation.

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

I know why superman left krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steriods!

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.