A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers, I hit every one of them!

A thing of beauty is a job forever.

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

Now that doctors have stopped making house calls, lots of patients now have to die without their help.

When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was my kid for one day!"

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."