I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.

They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Nowadays, when a speaker tells the graduates that the future is theirs--is that a promise or a threat?

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

Sir, I didn't deserve the grade you gave me on this test. Do you know a lower one?