I really doubt whether evolution ever works, how then come Mothers have only two hands

I bought an ideal gift for my mother-in-law - a battery-operated mouth.

Talk about cheap - on Christmas Eve, my neighbour shoots off three blanks and tells his kids Santa Claus just committed suicide.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.