I bought my son a bat for Christmas. On New Year's it flew away.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

Who says we didn't have controversial subjects on TV back in my time? Remember Bonanza? It was about three guys in high heels living together

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

The Post Office is very careful nowadays. When they get a package marked "Fragile," they throw it underhand.

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

My son has a big Christmas problem - what do you buy for a father who has everything and you're using it?