Remember when you had your face lifted... and the guy brought it back.

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.

My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

It's always consoling to know that today's Christmas gifts are tomorrow's garage sales.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

Do you want to feel insecure? Count the number of Christmas cards you sent out, and then count those you received.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.