At the Christmas party, the secretary with the long red hair ate three pickles, and four salesmen panicked.

My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

Folk who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.

I take New Years with a grain of salt and three aspirins.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.